She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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Using your tongue may be the best way to satisfy a woman, but due to the complexity of the clitoris, there’s definitely an art to getting it right. Shortform note: Kerner recommends continuing your tongue strokes throughout your partner’s orgasm to ensure that you’re giving her a complete experience. This tip is important to keep in mind as men often get distracted and rush through their partner’s orgasm with the expectation that she’ll perform oral sex on them next. Many women report having had this experience and deem it one of the biggest turn-offs.) After-Play Coreplay comes next, and this is time to perform cunnilingus, which the author goes into more detail about in the book. This is the stage where everything swells as you stimulate the clitoris. It eventually comes to a climax in an orgasm.

Kerner explains that women can orgasm repeatedly, so once she’s achieved her first orgasm, you can move on to other forms of sexual play that will make you orgasm as well. However, before moving on, give her a few minutes to cool down. To do this, return to foreplay activities—kiss her, embrace, and share soft touches. Throughout these stages, the sexual tension should build and culminate in a satiating orgasm for your partner. It’s best to use gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes throughout.

So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do. Despite sex education in schools, there are still plenty of misconceptions about sex out there, especially when it comes to female sexuality. Just take the idea that penetration is essential for female sexual pleasure. In fact, if you want to give a woman multiple orgasms, you can forget about the, erm, ins and outs of penetration for a while. What you really need to learn is the art of cunnilingus.

When you get this right, it prepares a woman’s body for sex. It releases chemicals, her skin gets more sensitive, and her breasts swell. The truth is, unless you want a baby, you don’t even have to include penetration to have great sex! If you want to have great sex, you’ve got to gain a better understanding of what the clitoris is, where to find it, and how to stimulate it for maximum pleasure. Do you remember your sex ed class? How inadequate, awful, and awkward it was? Most of us don’t learn a thing in these classes. Whatever we do figure out about our body and how it connects with another, we’ll have to learn in private and the hard way. As a result, many of us suffer from a less-than-great sex life.If you’re familiar with ancient Greek plays, you’ll know that they’re structured into different dramatic acts. Similarly, the process of female arousal has a defined dramatic structure with a beginning, middle and an end. Shortform note: Kerner notes that you should engage in foreplay for at least 10-15 minutes before your female partner will be sufficiently aroused, and research seems to mostly corroborate these claims. Researchers asked 152 heterosexual couples to report on how long they wanted foreplay to last and how long their foreplay actually lasted. On average, women wanted 19 minutes of foreplay and reportedly spent 11. Men wanted an average of 18 minutes of foreplay and reportedly spent 13. The average amount of time spent, 12 minutes, falls within Kerner’s 10-15 minute range.) Cunnilingus In these blinks, we remedy this shortcoming and show you how cunnilingus is done, from cuddly foreplay to throbbing orgasm. Most people think that success between the sheets depends on size and thrusting. But the truth is that women can orgasm in different ways, and not all are created equal. The key to the best orgasms for women is understanding the clitoris. After plateau, the next step is orgasm. Orgasm is when the built-up tension from plateau releases all at once. When orgasm occurs, the vaginal walls contract rhythmically and the woman will experience waves of pleasure for 10-20 seconds on average. Some women release ejaculate—Kerner notes that this is a unique alkaline liquid from the female equivalent of the prostate, not urine.

The essential guidebook to oral sex, She Comes First offers a radical new philosophy for pleasuring women Shortform note: Kerner mentions that some women may enjoy anal and perineal stimulation. Experts elaborate that some women actually prefer stimulation in these spots over clitoral stimulation, and can orgasm from this alone. This is called an anal orgasm. If your partner thinks she may prefer anal stimulation or wants to try having an anal orgasm, experts recommend stimulating the anal region with your tongue, fingers, or toys like anal plugs, beads, or vibrators.) Step #4: Approaching Orgasm

Many fantasize about being with a woman who can orgasm over and over again. Most women do have the ability to experience multiple orgasms, but they need to receive the right clitoral stimulation to do so. This section will lay out Kerner’s techniques for how to get her aroused with foreplay, how to make her orgasm with cunnilingus, and how to continue the fun after she orgasms with after-play. Foreplay