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Get the child on the same team. First, except the emotional joy of riding a tricycle in the living room. Second, can you define what the problem is which is that your little sister could get her fingers caught in the wheels. Thirdly, we need an idea to solve for the problem. Respect a kid’s struggle and encourage them to try. Doing it for them removes their agency in the world, which is even more frustrating than, say, a stubborn shoelace that won’t stay tied.
Instead of “no running,” try: “Inside we walk, outside you may run.” 8. Begin your Directives with “I want.” Documenting considerations, writing things down is sometimes viewed as a liability. In reality, writing things down will help shift your mind off of the consideration and make space for other matters. In negotiations, repeating what your counterparty has just said is a powerful mirroring technique. With a child, writing considerations down = problem solving and it works to calm them. Real Success What sets this book apart is the inclusion of few real success stories from families who have implemented its techniques. These stories serve as powerful testimonials to the effectiveness of the strategies presented. Readers can draw inspiration and confidence from the experiences of others who have transformed their family dynamics. You should praise effort. Instead of good job on those gymnastics; try “you kept on walking on that beam, never giving up.”
Joana and Julie mention how punishment distracts your child from the important lessons he/she need to learn. It can cause your child to think selfishly when considering what he/she will have to give up. How you punish your child will ultimately teache him/her how to handle conflict in their personal lives. The authors provide methods in this chapter that will allow your child the opportunity to do better in the present. Ultimately this will inspire him/her to be better in the future. Their recommended methods are: Another book that puts the child in charge (229), which goes against parental instinct and common sense. Includes advice on dealing with special needs kids (163). Most of the advice (for all kids) is just creative ways to distract kids from their bad mood, or creative ways to manipulate kids into doing what you want. It’ll work on younger or dumber kids, but not older or smarter ones who figure out that all the distraction or manipulation in the world is not getting them what they want. One parent admits, “I’d have had to bite my tongue so hard it would bleed. Part of me thinks all this accepting feelings is making her self-centered and spoiled. I wouldn’t have dared talk to my parents that way” (275-276). That’s exactly right; it does exactly that.
Relatable and authentic... [Faber’s and King’s] creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous child-rearing dilemmas.’”— Publishers Weekly This book is broken up into a number of different sections. How the Book is Divided First Section: Basic Tools to Help Parents CopeWhen other tactics have failed and you are angry at your kids, going for a run can help (361). You can’t take care of others without taking care of yourself first. Tactics for handling shy kids: prepare the child for what to expect before meeting with new people; have the new people be playful with the child but not demanding; give the child tasks to do instead of pressuring her to be social; don’t label the kid as shy; say to the new people that the child will talk or play when ready (313-315). If a kid won’t say hi, ask the kid to wave instead (317). Humour is one of the best antidotes to master/slave relationships at work or at home. If you can make your counterparty smile or laugh then you are in a strong position to influence and effect positive change.
Children need us to validate their feelings so they can become grown-ups who know who they are and what they feel. We are also laying the groundwork for a person who can respect and not dismiss the needs and feelings of other people.” Me (pissed): "What are you DOING? We TOLD you to drink your milk at the table. Now look what happened. You made a mess! Go get a towel and clean it up!" Praise generously, but wisely. Be specific and descriptive when doling it out; instead of “You’re a great artist!” try “I like how the zig-zags follow the squiggles — how did you think of that?”Probably the most widely used parenting technique. At work, if you give the colleague the power to choose a path for themselves they will be more likely to follow you. Avoid false choices like “I can spank you with my rights hand or my left hand.” Instead of thinking, “How can I control this child?” we can think of our child as being on the same team and invite his help and participation.” Punishments and rewards don’t always work as well as we think. Erasing “but” from my vocabulary and instead using “the problem is”: “You really feel like throwing that glass! That’s fun for you! The problem is I’m worried about it breaking. I’m going to put it on this shelf to keep it safe. Let’s find something you can throw.”
When you run away from mommy in the store, I feel worried because you might get lost.” 25. Close the Discussion Advises matching your kid’s emotion, including yelling (26-28). So this encourages the kid to yell when they’re upset. It can be hard to walk into a new house filled with relatives. Lots of people want to say hello to you. That can feel scary.” I agree that punishments are not helpful for children, however the author leaves out discipline entirely. Here are five convincing reasons why adding this book to your collection could greatly benefit you and yourShow your child how to make amends. ‘Your sister got scared when she was pushed. Let’s do something to make her feel better’” (93).
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