Alan Partridge Needless to Say I Had The Last Laugh Mug

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Lynn : Right. I’ve got you that “Bad Slags” book you asked for. And also, do you still want to do the radio show since all your books are being incinerated? Even as principal dad got his hands dirty, directing the school plays and taking remedial English classes for the senior students before hours. Mum had a few variations … ‘Oh Adriannn’ the most famous. Used at times of peak frustration, like when dad decided to go to the toilet just as they were about to go out. To understand the scale of her frustration, dad could be in there for considerable periods of time. In 1992 alone, he missed Annette’s birthday, the change of federal government and most of August. But mostly she said his name 3 times with increasing volume until he heard her … ‘Adrian! … Adrian!!! …. Adrian!!!!!!! … you're putting sugar on the salmon patties!’ Some times she truncated all 3 into one ‘Adri … Ade … Adrian!! … the toaster doesn't go in in the fridge!!’

Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. I will remain Pontius Partridge.

Alan is at Lynn’s baptism:

As I hauled in a large Coral trout , I would be like ” Geez Dad my name is Matt, Dan is you other son ….the one who would be spewing over the side of the gunnel.” There were millions of young men my age eligible for the draft for a war we didn’t believe in, all of us huddled on the conveyor belt that was rapidly feeding the war machine. But it was Ali who stood up for us by standing up for himself. Alan : All right, what’s “his” book like? I don’t know your name. Tara Peter Frampton double-barrel-shotgun Kensington on the horse. He never complained and always had time to help us with a costume or a some school project that was always due the next day.

Alan: Yes. It was like a very moving sheep dip. Anyway, I’m down to do a spot now. And I’m going to be saying a lot of interesting things about God. So if you hang around. Tessa : That sounds interesting actually. We’re currently revamping this show. I’m actually looking for a co-presenter at the moment, so be quite interesting to talk to you about some of those ideas. You know I’m the producer of the show as well as the presenter. Dad’s fabric is sewn into all of us and we will carry that forward until our time comes to hand it on in our memories. I loved this quote that someone sent me: “active memories in the lives and minds of others reflects the true greatness of a worthy soul” You know what this room says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus.Alan to Baptist Guest: Oh, erm. I’m sorry about that before. I think you just caught me at a bad moment. Hello friends and family of Adrian. I’m Damian, Adrian’s youngest son & the member of the family least likely to require counselling after a public speaking engagement. I did contemplate turning up this morning and feigning laryngitis just to see their eyes widen … [feigning raspy voice] … ’Sorry, can’t do it guys … one of you will have to step up … Chris where are you going? … Michelle, Net … Paul? … Why are you lying down? Alan : Shi t! Sorry. Did you get that by hanging round stables? You know, you do seem quite posh. I can imagine you in willies and one of those sleeveless anoraks.

Alan: No, it’s fine, as I said, I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement. Alan is at Lynn’s baptism:

I think of Dzia Dzia the swimmer, well into his 70s banging out 800m a day in the Brighton Sea baths, and swimming deep into the colder months. But if you've got the image of Dzia Dzia slicing through the water like a seal, I'll have to shatter that illusion. His was more a hybrid of breast stroke, and, let's face it, dog paddle. But he didn't care about the aesthetics. He just loved swimming and that's the point. He kept swimming in the sea baths until getting rescued became such a regular occurrence that the life guards politely insisted he look at other options. Alan : Now listeners, I have someone on the line who fears he may be a gay. He’s married, so he wishes to remain anonymous. I shall only be using his Christian name. I’m talking to Domingo in Little Oakley. No? He’s gone. That’s a pity. Marvellous little tapas bar there. Well, we’re just coming up to two minutes to one so we might as well go to Dave Clifton. I presume the first thing she would have done when she arrived at the gates of heaven would have been to explain to St. Peter that she is allergic to garlic and that mushrooms disagree with her IBT … and asked about the vegetarian options for when Helen, Jo & I arrive. Stop being such a deadbeat loser and get a job. Instead of promising to do something with your life ONE day, do something today. Stop making excuses about being inhibited by your depression. There are people out there who'd love to be able to contribute to society but can't because they aren't able bodied.