Collared: Lesbian Pet Play and Domination Collection

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Is it the same for you? I know that my life wouldn’t be complete without pets, and I’m thrilled that every month here at Curve I’ll be bringing my love of animals, to all of you in this new web column! According to the 2018 Autostraddle Lesbian Stereotypes Survey, most lesbians own cats. Conversely, the survey found that gay women aren’t more likely to own a dog than the average heterosexual. In fact, lesbians are more likely to own cats and reptiles than our straight friends. But these animals rarely form long-term bonds, and tend to have short relationships with their partners. It is only by considering animals that form long-term pair bonds that we can see reasonable analogies for humans. But once again, examples of homosexual behavior abound.

But things really get interesting when you move up to our close relatives. Macaques (medium-sized primates native to Asia) often exhibit lesbian tendencies, and bonobo chimps (our closest living relatives) take sexual freedom to a whole other level. Does that sounds about right for your budget? It definitely does for my family—we vacation with our dogs as often as we can, and all that kibble adds up and that’s before you start factoring in toys, and treats. Let’s not even get started on the vet bills! Why do queer women spend so much of our disposable income on our pets? Although all types of humans worship dogs, nobody knows the bond between a lesbian and her dog. Don’t believe me? Come over to my house and see for yourself.Everyone is dying to know this one very important question: Why are lesbians so perfect? We treat women how they deserve to be treated, many of us are vegetarians because we wouldn’t dare hurt another living thing, and the great majority of us worship, adore, and obsess over dogs. Okay, it’s settled! We are perfect! Put your hands up for lesbians! Relentlessly sexual bonobos inevitably make an appearance, as do Japanese macaques, who have “consortship relationships” between females, although these only last until the females reproduce. There are male lions humping male lions (“He initiates what can only be described as mating,” says wildlife photographer Paul Goldstein, in a wonderfully “Accidental Partridge” moment) – although given that the pictures of it were captured in Kenya, where gay sex remains criminalised, it opens up a world of homophobia and hate speech that even extends to big cats. There is a gay bull, saved from slaughter by an online campaign, only to reveal that his tastes are not exclusively all-bull. And there are rams who prefer other rams, one of whom has his testicles described as “fine, spongy and healthy”, as the breeder gives them an exploratory squeeze. Speculating about the motivations of dogs usually involves anthropomorphic thinking, a term used to describe the attribution of human emotions to a non-human entity. For example, “the stop sign is angry.” This is an understandable tendency, but one researchers try to avoid. Dogs experience a completely different reality than we do, and we’re wise to draw conclusions about motivations carefully. Beetles, fruit flies, several species of fish and a handful of lizards have all been documented having sex with other members of the same sex (though it is often termed pseudo copulatory behavior in such cases). Male frogs – who don’t technically engage in intercourse anyway – often grab anything that moves when it is time to get busy. Many male frog species have even evolved a “get off me!” call for just such occasions. Just forget about it (or celebrate it) and move on. Your dog doesn’t care if you have penchant for buxom beauties or tall-dark-and-handsome dudes – why should you care if he is partial to devilishly handsome collies?

We don’t even understand human sexuality very well. Trying to understand the sexuality of our dogs is probably impossible. And even if it weren’t, there are better subjects for us to spend our time researching. Our dogs do not care what their sexual orientation is, and we should probably follow their lead. It’s never a dull moment around my house and I’m sure my critters will be making appearances in future months!If, for example, a presumed “gay” male dog will still breed with a female dog in heat, he probably doesn’t have a truly homosexual identity; he just engages in homosexual behavior (such animals could probably be identified as bisexual). Most animals to which this question has been applied turnout to be exhibiting homosexual behavior – meaning that while they may enjoy a romp in the hay with another male dog, they’ll rarely pass up the chance to breed with a female. Knowing why your pooch is doing this can help alleviate awkward situations, help you understand your dog better, and even be a conversation starter! Okay, now that we know why lesbians rule the world, let’s discuss why we love dogs. As a dog-obsessed lesbian myself I’ll prove just why us lady lovers like fur babies more than most, and no, I’m not talking about a vagina (although that’s a great name for a vag). Lesbians Are Extremely Empathetic We’ve had it hard. We’ve had to battle our confusing sexuality. We’ve been told our relationships aren’t as valuable as heterosexual relationships, and some of us have even been rejected by our families. We’ve all felt lost. We understand hardships. That’s why many of us can’t stand the thought of a lonely dog, scarred and scared in an animal shelter. Ever heard of Ellen DeGeneres? Yeah, she gets it. We Love Cuddling Show me a lesbian who doesn’t love cuddling and I’ll show you a liar! Honestly, I personally love cuddling more than anything. I love cuddling more than sex. Okay, that’s not necessarily true – but some days it sure feels that way. Dogs are the best species because they will cuddle all. damn. day. Kisses and cuddles: the way to a lesbian’s heart. (That might be the future name of my memoir). Sharing our Brooklyn apartment are: Sierra and Noirchat the 14-year-old kitties who are littermates and have been with Kestryl since they were tiny kittens. Mercury is our 12-year-old Chihuahua-Doxie mix who I’ve had since he was six weeks old and who literally grew up with me in punk houses. A documentary about dogs and homosexuality, both of which are enjoyable topics of conversation, should be good, campy fun. I also enjoy ice-cream and curry, but it is better to keep some things separate. My Gay Dog and Other Animals (Channel 4) purports to be an examination of the science behind same-sex behaviour in the animal kingdom, but it is, essentially, the kind of segment that might have sustained 10 minutes on Eurotrash, stretched out over one long, hump-filled hour.

Dogs do what they want, when they want, and are presumably unconstrained by the internal conflicts that often plague humans. Sometimes their sexual advances even extend to other species, as countless cats, stuffed animals and human legs can attest. What dogs do is bring a consistent flow of happiness into their lesbian’s life. And yes, if we have a dog, the dog owns us. We are her people. The one exception (aside from humans) occurs right on Old Macdonald’s Farm. About 6% of male sheep court and breed other males , and refrain from breeding receptive females. Sophie Raworth presents highlights of the event marking the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Normandy, decisive in the outcome of the second world war. It includes yesterday’s commemorative event in Portsmouth and a remembrance service at Bayeux War Cemetery in Normandy. David Stubbs Tonight: Meat – Is it Still Safe? 7.30pm, ITVI’ve never had a woman I’m dating do that. And no matter how my dating life is going, Rose is ever true and not going anywhere. Flashing lights … the crew of Ambulance. Photograph: BBC/Dragonfly/Ryan Mcnamara Ambulance 9pm, BBC One

I’ve always had both cats and dogs in my home and, yes, they’ve always gotten along just fine. However, I haven’t known a lot of other lesbians who own both felines and canines. They usually fiercely support one and publicly criticize the other.

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Matt Tipper is from Frome, and his Italian greyhound, Norman, is regularly humped by another Italian greyhound, Franco, whom he shares with his ex-girlfriend. There is a popular Facebook group called Angry People in Local Newspapers, and this is all very Angry People in Local Newspapers. “Well, I’ve thought for a long time that Matt’s dogs are gay,” says Matt’s mum, gravely, as Franco ruts away joyously. But there is the problem. There is an argument about whether those gay dogs are engaging in sexual or social behaviour – whether Franco is simply being dominant, rather than horny. Either way, we are using human behaviour as a marker for animal behaviour, which this documentary rejects, then coyly embraces, and it is all a bit of a mess. The Bafta-winning series that follows paramedics and control room staff in Manchester continues. On a lively Friday night, the crews predict a typically busy shift, but as well as dealing with drunken falls and late-night argy-bargy there is a category-one baby emergency and a crisis involving a little blue pill. Graeme Virtue Big Animal Surgery 9pm, BBC Two