Cutting Humour

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Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, aah.’ The other replied:‘Put some cold in then.” – Harry Hill

Why did the scissors enroll in baking school? Because they wanted to be the best pastry cutters in town! Snipping With Wit: Cutting-edge Double Entendre Puns (Scissor Puns) The scissor and the razor were always cutting along the same lines.” “Cutting Edge Wordplay: Snipping Through Scissor Puns” Steve’s father used to do my hair,” says George. “Since I retired, I do the odd errand if Steve needs anything, and I have me morning coffee. I’ve been coming here for 30-odd years. And this is what he did to me,” he says, pointing to a bald pate.I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'” – Tim Vine Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken. I tried to make a move on my crush with a pair of scissors, but I guess I didn’t really make the cut. What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man. I asked my scissors if it wanted to hear a joke, but it just “cut” me off! Cutting Edge Clichés: Scissor Puns Snip Through Stereotypes

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”

I can cut wood just by looking at it! I know it is hard to believe but I saw it with my own two eyes! Here is a list of funny cutting wood jokes and even better cutting wood puns that will make you laugh with friends. Here is a list of funny cutting tree jokes and even better cutting tree puns that will make you laugh with friends. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen Did you hear about the scissor’s sibling who joined the military? They’re enlisted in the Special Cutting Forces! Cutting-edge Comedy (Scissor Puns)

I went to the hairdresser and asked for a bob, but they misunderstood and gave me a pair of scissors instead. Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime.” – Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.” – Tim Vine I was planning a surprise party for my friend, but accidentally used a pair of scissors instead of a knife to cut the cake. It was quite a close shave!A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” – Peter Kay Did you hear about the pair of magic scissors who made history? They were known for their cutting-edge performances! I know it’s short notice, but we really need to get this done by tomorrow. Trimming the Wordplay: Scissor Puns Snip Their Way through Comedy