In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder

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The euphemism of someone who is always worried about angering potential lunatics is often seen as weak. Go read this, educate yourself on coercive control and join Jane Monckton-Smith in her mission to change the narrative from "crimes of passion" to "predictable patterns and calculated, cold-blooded murder". There is a domestic violence epidemic happening right now, yet as a society we still turn a blind eye to it. As a former police officer, what would you like to see the police do about domestic control and violence? But while reading this it made me think differently about four very different people, friends and those whom I crossed paths with during my life, who lived with some of the danger signs.

Jane does a fabulous job of highlighting control ways we can all sometimes contribute to victim shaming and forces us all to take accountability in our approach of the victims of such debilitating, unsettling and trauma fuelled abuse. This is a step-by-step guide to help you understand the eight different stages people pass through, men and women, in a controlling relationship.The most important thing I have taken and shared from this book was not to ask ‘Why didn’t she leave? The stories in the book will stay with you, and will make you rethink how these situations are dealt with, from law enforcement to family court. You would be hard pushed to find someone that has not been impacted by Domestic Violence even in some small way.

I try not to generalise and I was uncomfortable initially with the author's use of statements such as "women are", "men do this", etc. The reality is that they are (justifiably) afraid that leaving is likely to be more dangerous than staying. The scary thing is the individuals in this book flipped when they felt their idealised image, their self-esteem, their status was threatened. One I'd never have thought of was the kindergarten mum whose husband insisted she stay at the same weight, always weighing herself - coercive control. I found it really interesting especially as coercive control in romantic relationships is starting to be taken seriously legally and I think more people should know the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.Drawing on disciplines including psychology, sociology and law, she talks to victims, their families and killers, putting together pieces to the puzzle of how these relationships can end in murder and bringing to light the reasons why - for so many of us - there is no such thing as the safety of one's own home. To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average.