To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. The public chat shows a bespectacled, conservatively-dressed woman who makes walking with a cup of tea as sexy as it could ever be (the inspiration for my Tea Walk poems). She would be fine one moment and then the next, she would refuse to breastfeed and opt instead to scream her lungs off. While in a stand-off with John waiting for him to eat his broccoli I see Joseph encouraging him to eat his broccoli. Little did I know how much I would enjoy ogling beautiful ladies and couples who were not ashamed of their sexuality.

awkward silence while I consider lying about what time I woke up but then decide that she’s my doctor and not my father so, whatever* YES.

I wept whenever I spoke (no matter what I was saying), I wept whenever I looked at her, I wept whenever I thought about her…I just wept.

But “I went all natural” bragging rights are not enough to persuade me at this point UNLESS I get a plaque made in my honor and can successfully mention it in every conversation I have till death or menopause, whichever comes first. A few minutes of doggy-style pounding (complete with ecstatic moaning by her), he finished off on her face. Politely asking the general cost of living/rent/average home costs are the only comments that are not rude and therefore are fine. Perhaps you want me to dream of being a brain surgeon, or a nurse, or a grocery bagger or a cow herder, but none of those things interest me. I will track my weight loss for a while because I don’t know how else I’d know if any physical changes are happening.

All submissions must be only images, either directly uploaded to Reddit or shared via a direct IMGUR link. I can’t think of anything else to add to this list right now because today is one of those days when I’m so freaking tired and uncomfortable and hormonal and huge that all I want to do is cry.