Nothing is typical in this industry. I have the extremely wealthy to the average Joe, and I enjoy them both. When a client is in my dungeon, it really doesn’t matter to me what they do or who they are in the real world. All of that is left at the door and they get to become something they yearn for and crave, whether it’s to be a masochist, submissive, slave, prisoner, patient, etc. But the common thread is the need to be able to escape the normal day to day. Some people go to spas, amusement parks or the movies, others go to dungeons. One of my most loyal and thoughtful submissives just bought me a new car. He offered me any car I wanted and I chose one that fits my personal life instead of one that you would imagine a famous dominatrix driving. It’s a minivan. It breaks all stereotypes and is perfect. My specialty is in tease and desperation play. There are many ways to put someone in “sub space”—a state of mind in which your inhibitions and ego go completely out the window and you are overcome by an utterly submissive feeling. One way to reach this state is via sexual desperation. By building up arousal over time without sexual gratification, eventually you reach a point where your sexual desires become too overwhelming to handle—it is a place where you are willing to do anything for gratification, and at that moment, my power over you is absolute. While the type of play I typically engage in doesn't involve physical danger, if I were to accidentally transgress, I do absolutely honor limits. I take some time at the start to go over a client’s limits, then monitor them closely throughout the scene. I love inflicting pain, both physical and mental, and am a sadist through and through. My favorite sorts of play are corporal punishment, medical play, CBT and ballbusting, nipple torture and heavy degradation scenes. I enjoy this sort of play because it draws these insane reactions out of the subs that make the session so memorable.

I’ve always identified as a dominant woman, long before I was sexually aware, it was just who I was. I believe this was partially due to being raised in a very matriarchal family. When I played house with my classmates I would always make the boy play as the dog instead of the father. It is, unfortunately, more unusual to see women than men. This is changing, and women are becoming more empowered to call upon sex workers to explore their fantasies. I had an interesting experience wherein a straight woman booked a session with me because she wanted to be dominated but felt safer with a woman than a male dominant, either hired or found online. I think that’s smart and savvy, and we had an amazing scene. Seeing a dominatrix isn’t necessarily about sex or sexual identity, it’s about submission, or masochism, or catharsis, and I love being able to take women to those places as well as men. As much as I’d like to leave my poor testicles out of proceedings, I’m at least reassured that my balls would be in safe hands (or should be that feet?) I’m wondering, though, there must be rules – for clients and for you, personally? Where do you draw the line? I enjoy using my body to dominate and at 6’5” I’m quite imposing. That being said I do love my props such as floggers, collars and cuffs.Writing a letter is a condition of entry to Mistress Xena’s dungeon. Be honest with her and she’ll reward you... or, indeed, punish you. When I got in touch I wasn’t quite ready to have a toilet brush shoved up my bum, but I was curious about this once-secret part of the city’s sexlife. Over the years, my slaves would complain that they couldn’t figure out how to introduce their girlfriends or wives to female dominance. I co-wrote a book titled How to be a Dominant Diva which focuses on giving couples the inspiration and tools to explore eroticism, role-play and power exchange in a way that is exciting but never intimidating! I’m a Time Out writer and a very naughty boy. Is that how these things usually start? Because I’ve never written to a dominatrix before. I do, however, want to find out more. Perhaps you could fill me in (not a euphemism). For starters, what’s with the letters? The strangest ones are the ones who ask for the most unexpected things. What's weird to me is not necessarily weird to the vanilla bystander, but my strangest session by far ended up with me writing two comparative essays for the sub.

There are strict rules, including no sex and no touching without permission. Also, clients have to be clean. I’ve got a very strong sense of smell, and if I’m in the dungeon the last thing I want to be thinking is: Oh my God, that BO’s making my eyes burn! I'm going to keep that between me and him. And besides, in many ways, a private jet is more of a burden than a gift.She added, “Some men want to be roughed up and manhandled, others cuddled and smothered. Some just want to give me their money.”