Note: The term to bear fruit uses bear not bare. (This term is often mistakely written as to bare fruit.) Oderberg begins with her own history, because she can write about her own experience directly and ethically. Her reproductive history creates a narrative line through Hard to Bear, extending outwards like a cantilever to provide space for the vast chorus of other voices she assembles. Her frank account continually expands to include other observations, many of them counterpointing or offering a different angle from her own. Hard to Bear is essential reading for anyone interested in the intersection of systemic inequality, empirical evidence and lived experience. The wisdom and warnings contained within will echo loudly in the hearts and minds of compassionate carers, victims of loss and – hopefully – future generations of ethical medical professionals. Too much to bear vs. Too much to bare: Remember that bear means to carry or endure as a verb, so substitute too much to endure in your mind when want to use this phrase as a reminder to use bear instead of bare.

FOR TODAY’s sermon I have selected this wonderful essay by Jerome K. Jerome from 1886. Its title is “On being hard up”, and in it he reflects on petty miseries of being skint. It is wonderful what an insight into domestic economy being really hard up gives one. If you want to find out the value of money, live on 15 shillings a week and see how much you can put by for clothes and recreation. You will find out that it is worth while to wait for the farthing change, that it is worth while to walk a mile to save a penny, that a glass of beer is a luxury to be indulged in only at rare intervals, and that a collar can be worn for four days. The chapter “More Than Words” responds to the many messages Oderberg has received from people asking what to say or do when someone they know has a miscarriage. On its own this chapter could limit suffering. The suggestions of what not to say are particularly useful – “oh well, at least you can drink now”, not to mention “try again”.To bare means to uncover or expose (think to bare all). Most of the time, you won’t be telling anyone to bare with you (unless, of course, you want them to remove their clothes with you), or saying that you can’t bare it (can’t expose what?). From the many physical causes of miscarriage, to the socioeconomic, environmental and behavioural factors impacting women’s experiences of pregnancy loss, Oderberg focuses on an Australian context without neglecting alternative statistics and perspectives. What Oderberg “aims to deliver”, she does. It can’t have been easy to write. This carefully researched, rich resource has the capacity to bring change. For those who have experienced miscarriage, it is consolatory and attentive. For those who love and care for them, it is practical and supportive. Hard to Bear is a furious, insistent and tender work. In these cases, it’s helpful to create some kind of mnemonic or tool to help you remember when to use which word. It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one's enemies. It is the successes of one's friends that are hard to bear. (Oscar Wilde)

Dear old ladies and gentlemen who know nothing about being hard up–and may they never, bless their gray old heads–look upon the pawn-shop as the last stage of degradation; but those who know it better (and my readers have no doubt, noticed this themselves) are often surprised, like the little boy who dreamed he went to heaven, at meeting so many people there that they never expected to see. For my part, I think it a much more independent course than borrowing from friends, and I always try to impress this upon those of my acquaintance who incline toward “wanting a couple of pounds till the day after to-morrow.” But they won’t all see it. One of them once remarked that he objected to the principle of the thing. I fancy if he had said it was the interest that he objected to he would have been nearer the truth: twenty-five per cent. certainly does come heavy. I can speak with authority on the subject of being hard up. I have been a provincial actor. If further evidence be required, which I do not think likely, I can add that I have been a “gentleman connected with the press.” I have lived on 15 shilling a week. I have lived a week on 10, owing the other 5; and I have lived for a fortnight on a great-coat. Some medical language could use an upgrade. Wearing the label “elderly primigravida” doesn’t make anyone envisage a thriving prospect, and I wonder whether a cervix – however wonderful – has sufficient intention to be deemed incompetent. On the other hand, when Oderberg wrote an article titled “The ‘ugly’ side of pregnancy loss is the part we most need to see”, the word “clot” was edited out. Latinate and figurative language obfuscates and tidies up experience, while a blunt noun can reveal it. Therefore, too much to bare has an entirely different literal meaning than too much to bear. It would refer to excessive exposure rather than excessive burdens.There are many burning questions and few satisfactory answers surrounding the search for adequate pregnancy-loss support – a gap this book aims to bridge with scientific fact and empathic compassion. Readers who have experienced poor healthcare in the context of pregnancy loss will be infuriated – but not surprised – by the systemic issues uncovered by the author’s research. Aptly titled, Hard to Bear may be emotionally triggering to the same demographic it is most likely to benefit. However, as evidenced by the author’s dedication to the cause, perseverance can lead to positive outcomes, and this book does end on an optimistic note. There is often confusion over the words bear and bare. This confusion arises because, knowing a bear is a large mammal (e.g., a brown bear), writers feel uncomfortable using bear in its other meanings. In fact, the word bear is a very versatile word. Here are common expressions with bear: